May 27th, 2009

Who knew I would be gone from 6:00am until 8:00 pm the day before surgery? Too much to do..too little time. After teaching Vacation Bible School I was at the hospital for hours. Arranging a room, valet, questions, getting meds, allergy tests, urine and blood tests, a sleep apnea exam(for what?). On top of the regular life appointments and errands to get taken care of. I totally rocked the gym today, and we spoke about possibly entering a fitness competition, if my gym sponsored my entry fees that is. Hopefully the surgery will be successful and i can be back in the gym ASAP. Now I need to do laundry and pack for Texas because I will basically be passed out, until the plane flight. Praying for a safe and healthy surgery....as well as the struggle of major surgery without a hubby(the fear of not having him by my side, is greater than any physical fear of the procedure)...I fully trust Dr. G with my life....We have an amazing God who continually provides.

May 26th, 2009

Howdy!
Wow how awesome our God is! Today I am in the middle of Vacation Bible School and an unknown AZ number keeps calling. Finally they leave a message..it is the Doc's office manager. Someone canceled, and if she can get an anesthesiologist and assistant, I have surgery on Thursday. She calls back and got the needed personnel! The world wind begins..I had a pre-op today, one with the anesthesiologist tomorrow and one at the hospital tomorrow, then picking up different meds at 2 places! The doc went over the 3, yeah count em 3 procedures, they will perform. I had to sign waiver after waiver about infections, puncturing organs, possible death. Wow what a terrifying thought, all these possibilities when you precious angel is on the other side of the planet. My dear friends are taking me again, bless their hearts! I asked about my flight less than 24 hours later and they were basically like ???, that is up to you. WE have seen people come back for their one week post-op hopping and skipping, and others brought in a wheel chair because they haven't walked yet. I am one tough cookie I thought......
Procedure #1
http://www.gynalternatives.com/hsc.htm
Procedure #2
http://www.advancedfertility.com/laparoscopy.htm
Procedure #3
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dilation_and_curettage

Keep Praying for my sanity and health, and to stopping hoping for the impossible of waking up from surgery with Ty beside me....

May 25th

We are praying we are able to schedule the surgery for ASAP.

http://www.advancedfertility.com/laparoscopy.htm

Plus, Ty has spoken with the commander about the possibility of emergency leave to be home for the surgery. I think a miscarriage and 3 surgeries with out a husband would be more than even super woman Nikki could handle. Hoping......

May 22nd, 2009

Today after turning my classroom into Club Johnson on the last day of school...I will have to attach a video....
I met with Dr. G. Marta did the US and said things looked about what they expected. An US in the middle of MC cramps was one painful experience. They prescribed some strong pain meds for the next few days as precaution. Then I spoke with Dr. G about the next step. As I predicted, SURGERY! They want to open me up to see what could be going wrong and if they can surgically fix any "issue" they have not been able to diagnose. Since so far we are the 3% of undiagnosed infertility. Unfortunately it is a stay in an actual hospital type deal...so we are going to try and schedule something next week, however since we are on the hospital's schedule the office manager said the surgery might not be done until July. I explained I have a summer break from school, so if there are any cancellations my flexibility throws me into the #1 spot. Once I recover from surgery we will discover our next step....in this wild journey we have partaken upon....
Love ya!

May 20th, 2009

Whew..another rough day in Vail, but here is my game plan....Enjoy every moment of life God has blessed us with. Therefore, until we have out own children I am going to eat up every second I can with my "kiddos". We are praying for a blessing from God on our next move from here and look forward to Friday when we meet with Dr. G. Thank you each for your letters, emails, texts, comments, messages and prayers. I have had a hard time getting back to each of you, right now we are at a place when talking about it over and over again, just makes our heart hurt worse. We are grieving and soon enough will feel comfortable talking about the situation and what we are going to do as a result. I hope you understand our heartache and wishes. Love ya!

May 19th, 2009

Good evening. This afternoon I called Dr. Gelety to get the results because we couldn't wait anymore. The HCG level went from 30 on Thursday to 29.5 on Monday. The level should have tripled at a minimum. Technically we are still pregnant by the numbers, but it will not carry sine it is dropping instead of increasing. I am stopping all injections immediately so that no "procedures" need to be done in order to remove a lasting embryo. I can't help but be frustrated with the doc office since after calling concerned about spotting every day last week, his answer a week later was "Oh they should have told you to double your injections to prevent miscarriage". Unfortunately we were not told that, and low and behold the inevitable happened. What makes the situation more tough is being on the other side of the world from Tyler. I would rather have been apart the day of our wedding than today of all days. Now big decisions....surgery? adopt? try again? switch docs? So much to consider....my body, our finances, lost trust in Dr. G......Please pray for my precious husband who's voice was trembling through the night, since he had to call in the night from IRAQ to get the results, and wishing he could be here to provide for me and support us. He is an amazing man of God who was thrilled to be a future dad..one day! My heart not only breaks for what could have been a baby Johnson, but for my precious Ty. I am more than thankful for our sovereign God and faith, I could not imagine IVF without a passionate intimacy Tyler and I have together with our Lord!

MAY 18th, 2009

Good evening! First off I want to thank you all for your sweet emails, comments and prayers, you have made the journey full of strength. Today at the doc they took more blood for another test to see what is really going on. While I was there I brought my other injections for a "real" nurse to administer since I was there anyway. I have been really hopeful until this evening, I had some cramping in my tummy and a tiny bit of spotting again. I am sure it could be nothing, but with the biggest news of our life riding on this, and another 24 hours until I get the results it is nerve racking. Thank you in advance for your love support and prayers. Hopefully tomorrow will be the best of our lives! We remember imagining our wedding day and night, our first move, our first day of work, our first house as the biggest days of our lives, once we embarked on IVF the excitement of those days has been ore than shadowed by the excitement of LIFE!!! How exciting! The stinky part...the news will be announced via cell phone while I am chaperoning a middle school dance...awkward!

May 17th, 2009

Today was a much better day than last Sunday! Last Sunday at church kids were trying to give me Mother's day trinkets and I got teary eyed worried about the spotting and afraid I might never be a mother. So worship today was much more bright, knowing there is a glimmer of hope. Above are the pics from today. I took the pregnancy test this morning, notice that i bought digital, so the result is more straight forward no the "kind of there" line. We are by no means in the clear, but we are still hopeful the test turns up correct. But with the meds and IVF a HPT is very rarely reliable, however lets me breathe a sigh of relief each morning so worth a few bucks. The other image is the progesterone oil injections I am going to try and give myself again. Yesterday went so great, that i would like to try every once in a while to do ti myself, because i know my pain threshold and body better than anyone. Notice the band aid is a full size one, so the oil solution and needle are HUGE! Yikes! We are looking forward to the appointment tomorrow, to see biologically what is going on. We do not know if he wants at ultrasound, blood work, injections or what..but tomorrow afternoon hopefully we will have a better idea of the possible future of Baby Johnson!

May 16th, 2009

Today I couldn't sleep and woke up to take a pregnancy test at 5:00 am. Mediocre news...there were 2 lines, but the second one almost required a magnifying glass...not great, not bad. The Internet says that means you are pregnant, but you HCG is super low, which I new all along. The day went great, mid afternoon a tiny bit of spotting. I called Dr. G's cell again, and he said if that was all, to just take my injection early and increase the dose. Francine was in town, so he said he would walk me through it. I would have died for someone to see e i n the mirror pulling on my butt cheek turned around backward to fin the marks were we normally go. It is all black and blue, so i figured just to aim in the bruise. It took a good 2 minutes to get the oil in, to dense to push fast, one drop of blood, band aided and good to go. He said he will see me Monday to sort everything out and see what is going on! Prayers for the weekend are appreciated and never taken for granted! Love ya!

May 15th,2009

Howdy y'all! Today was another ride on the Johnson Journey. The doc office was scheduled to call between 3:30 and 4:30 today. However, Tyler was already calling in the middle of the night dying to know, so I called them at 4:00. The RNP said that with IVF only the doc will call with results. Therefore, I took it upon myself to call his personal cell phone as a friendly reminder. He called back quickly. The news as wonderful, dreadful and full of anxiety. The conversation went something like this...
Dr. G: When were you supposed to test Nikki?
Nikki: Friday, but I was positive it was negative so I scheduled for a day earlier.
Dr. G: I wish you wouldn't have done that. For the test to be positive it must be greater than 25, yours was 30. However at this point it should be over 100. So maybe the extra day would have helped, or maybe we just need to test again to make certain. So congrats you are pregnant! Wait, you haven't been spotting at all.
Nikki: Yes, Dr. G(arggggg is my voice) I talked to the RNP and several nurses this week about it.
Dr. G: Well it could be implantation, but I wish I personally had known that(as if I didn't know the clinic didn't communicate to each other)therefore I would have increased your injections. Starting now, double it! I hope you are pregnant, I hope this works, lets see you promptly Monday to retest and check everything out again.
.......
Wow..I went from congrats, to oh no, to we screwed up, to fear, to hope again in like 15 seconds. We both wish wished for either a straight positive o negative, much easier to deal with than one more ? on top of all the others. So the waiting game starts all over and we are hopeful for another positive Monday afternoon as well.....but if not we are prepared and faithful. Thank you for all the positive encouragement, we have great people in our lives!
More than ever we need prayers and hope!

May 14th, 2009

Wow!Francine and I were in for a surprise tonight!"A Geyser" as Ty called it. As Francine gave me the injection, she thought out loud that she might have pushed too hard. When she pulled the syringe out blood started pouring everywhere..my pants, the floor and it took piles of gauze to absorb it all. Once it was wiped up, it didn't bleed a drop more..weird! The blood test was quick and easy. I talked to the nurse about how i thought it was going to be negative, and explained why. She then reassured me with IVF and all the unnatural procedures you never know what to expect, so to not loose faith. We are definitely strong in our faith, but know tomorrows result is out of our control and for that we are thankful. Have a great day! Pray for a miracle!

May 13th, 2009

Today has been another wild one for the Johnson family. The little spotting and injections continue. I think the chances are slipping, but we still can not let go of this glimmer of hope we both have in our hearts. Only 2 days now and we will know either way! I know we don't even know the results yet..but we are already playing out the next scene...If it is positive is it one, twins,boy, girl, names...If it is negative what is our next move...another round, surgery to see what else could be going on, another round, adopt......Woah God filled our plates!Love y'all!

May 12th,2009

Howdy! So Ty and I must be the biggest lunatics on the planet, because even with 4 days of spotting we still are grasping for a glimmer of hope. I assume after spending an entire life savings of money, and sacrificing my body for months we can't give up. I called the doc and said I was positive IVF didn't work, and asked if I could move the date of the blood test from Friday to Thursday. Therefore, we will have the results Friday instead of Monday. Whoop! Whether it is positive or negative we are ready for the stress of waiting and meds to be over. Speaking of meds...I guess I rarely look at my booty in the mirror, because today Francine was talking about how bad it looked. I examined my booty and it is all black and blue with tons of tiny scabs from the thick diameter of the needle, and horrible rash and scabs from band aids several times of day. From the looks of my rear end I am a war victim of sorts. Thank you for the continued prayer and support! Love y'all!

May 11th, 2009

Rough day...either our worst nightmare or most exciting dream is becoming reality. Doc says keep up with shots and blood test for Friday because it can be a whole list of things. We are just afraid because this has been the exact scenario every month for over 2 years now. Praying for a miracle.

May 10, 2009

Howdy! Today is Mother's Day and by far the most stressful day in this journey. Yesterday and today I had spotting. The doctor says it can be one of 2 things...one being a miracle, the other heartache...1. Implantation bleeding/spotting happens about 6-10 days after transfer when the little embryo burrows into the uterus lining. 2. I am starting my period a week early, just like in all the other attempts, and my luteal phase is again cut too short. We are desperately on our knees for #1, but know God will bless us in the way He desires. In other words Mother's Day has been hard and tearful for both of us, knowing I am literally becoming a mother on this day, or another opportunity is quickly slipping from our hands. Prayer more than ever, is what we desire right now, for our strength, healing and peace!

May 8, 2009

Acupuncture was rough, as expected. The Dr. is very friendly and seems really good at what she does. She is also very encouraging and supportive of my future pregnancy. I had pins all over my ankles, over my ovaries and uterus, all up my abs, in the back of my neck and what seems like a million in my ears. I am hopeful science is proven right again, that acupuncture improves IVF success. On the other hand, I don't know if any of you have seen the sports news lately, but a player was suspended for using HCG....my goodness that is what I was on a few weeks back! Shocking! Keep the prayers flowing, God is great!

May 7, 2009

We are thankful for all the support and prayers, but this wait is killing us. We have never gone 2 weeks with out going to Dr. G's office....the wait until the blood test is an eternity. In all our past attempts Tyler has bought a life supply of pregnancy tests, and every evening they are calling my name....

May 6, 2009

Life is fabulous dreaming of the possibility of motherhood! The gym rat that I am is struggling with the "no extreme exercise" clause I agreed to. Who is going to take the title of "antelope"? I am willing to give up my big guns, for a little goober for sure though. We both continually dream of nurseries, names and twins....Love y'all!

Cinco de Mayo

Life with the injections and "soon-to-be" Mom attitude is great!Doc called and said my hormone levels from yesterday looked great...Dreaming of babies!

May 4, 2009

Howdy! Injection was sore and the not so pleasurable side effects continue. But today was the blood test after school, I moved it up a day because of a dentist appointment tomorrow. I ran o have my blood taken, but no results until tomorrow. No big test....just making sure hormone levels are good and the shots are working. Love y'all!

May 3, 2009

The injections are having funky hormonal side effects. However, I can not complain because I will sacrifice my body and life for a little Johnson. Keep praying, miracles happen!

May 2, 2009

My Progesterone injection went off with out a hitch like usual! Today was alot more rest, but I continually thought " I will do anything for a baby!" Although my body has been really still, my mind has been running a million miles an hour thinking we might be pregnant!

May 1, 2009 THE BIG DAY

Howdy! Today was our big and blessed day! I woke up excited as ever, and thought it was a sign that the radio alarm was blaring a song that Tyler loves to sing to me and do this silly little hip swinging dance to daily, that makes me fall more in love with him by laughing at him. I arrive excitedly at the doc. Then the office manager calls me back. I was thinking "why does she need me"? She broke the heart shattering news. The sperm and egg that were brought together would not fertilize naturally. They were forced to do ICSI in a separate lab. Basically ICSI is taking an individual sperm and manually injecting it into the egg to fertilize. The only part that ended up bad was that it costs a couple thousand dollars additional, but overall we got the end product of embryos! I pay my additional dues and the nurse calls me back to a room. I patiently wait while a woman screams bloody murder in the operating room directly across the hall. It was so gut wrenching I asked a nurse if that was going to be done to me, because i was shivering in fear. They reassured me that was what Tuesday's surgery was........thank goodness I had already accomplished that, I must be super tough! The doc came in and told me I only had 5 eggs, what we figured for the earlier ultrasounds. They ICSIed all, 1 never divided and the other 4 embryos looked great, 8+ cells each. Now the decision of how many to transfer. Dr. G explained 1 embryo would be a 20% chance, 2 would be a 40-50%, with a 12% risk of twins, and 3 would be a 60-70%chance and a 25% chance of twins. He could not ethically implant 4 into a healthy 26 year old. With out hesitation I agreed to 3, he said that is what he hoped but didn't want to sway me. I then go to see my future "babies" via enlarged microscope image on a TV screen, how amazing! We went into the operating room, no screaming anymore thankfully, and Marta was by my side, Dr. G prepared for the transfer, and then Dr. Wu who had been growing our babies the last 3 days came in with the embryos. Adjusting the catheter into my uterus was rough, but they guided themselves by doing an ultrasound from the outside to be able to see. In went my 3 babies. Dr. Wu went to go check the catheter to make sure all 3 were out, under a microscope. Yes, he said in broken Chinese/English. Whoop! On went my tights and shoes and I was off, hopefully pregnant! Then bed rest until the acupuncture. the chiropractic office it was done it was gorgeous and the doc was very friendly. We discussed IVF and the correlation with acupuncture. I explained how Ty and I had acupuncture at spas in the past,I hated it he loved it, but if my chances for pregnancy go up I will try anything. So my pants came right off and here we go, pins in the ankles, wrists, all over my abs, and lower abs, at one point i leaned up and saw like 30 pins in my tummy! The only scary ones were all over my ears and the back of my neck, which i then laid on. 10 minutes of rest, the doc twisted all the pins, 10 more minutes of rest and out of the next office of the day. I guess getting injections multiple times a day has made me immune to the needle fears. Progesterone shot this evening went great, minus excessive bleeding, but no extra pain. Now back to bed rest...the hardest part so far! I keep looking at my tummy constantly praying I might have a baby or 2 in there....WHOOP!