June 9th, 2009

Howdy!
Today was the long awaited Post-Op. I literally got off the plane and drove straight to the doc's office. They took my blood pressure first, the poor nurse was new to the office and panicked a little, since it was so low as usual. Then Dr. Gelety came to review my healing process. He looked at my incisions and thought they would be more healed by now, but that they were slowly but surely getting better. He shared with e probably 50 pictures they had taken, he started with saying my liver was one of the healthiest ever, then moved to shape size and tilt of uterus was great. Then my ovaries basically looked like zebra print. He said they should be bright white to be healthy. Mine were far from that! He showed me the adhesion they removed. Then he multiple cysts, which were about the same size at the ovaries quite scary for me. He explained there are several stages of endometriosis ranging from stage 1 where the endometriosis becomes visible and fiber like, all the way to stage 4 where is covers the area, creates cysts larger than 2 cm in diameter and invading the ovaries. Much to my surprise he said I was on the top end of stage 4. He said he lanced, removed and lasered everything in sight, but that it could quickly return and there is always some hiding.

Then what we have all been waiting for..what are we doing next? We discussed many options:
1. Take LupronDepot injections for 3 months or so, to send my body into premenopause, stopping all periods, to dry up any additional endometriosis. Then when Tyles returns I could be healed up and we can try naturally, then start cloid and IUIs and IVF if needed. So basically start everything over in 3 months.
2. Take LupronDepot for 3 months and then do a round of IVF.
3. Start trying naturally now....hmmm no hubby in sight...
4. Start over now with Clomid and IUI, then another round of IVF.
5. Immediately do another round of IVF.

He thinks LupronDepot could help to clear up all the other endometriosis and make our chances better, but no guarantee it will do anything at all. Of course there are no methods guaranteed. We have multiple worries:
1. Waiting the 3 months and starting over, that means we will either be trying or even pregnant when Tyler gets out of the AF and we both change jobs...hello insurance?
2. Cost of IVF: another round is another what seems like million dollars.
3. Taking Lupron and it not helping at all.
Starting over with Clomid and IUI...we started there a year and half ago, scary to start they entire process possibly over all over again.

I understand Luron could help, so I agreed to 3 months, based on his advice, but then as I left I started thinking of the insurance, moving, new jobs, starting 1.5 years of life all over again. Tyler called immediately and I totally lost it crying in frustration. I am terrified of the financial burden of IVF, horrified of losing insurance while pg, scared of repeating a year and half of our lives. Tyler said to not be concerned about the money and we should do IVF again while we have the doc, means, and my body is cleared out(mostly). I wish he could be at the doc with me, when they are sharing all the scary news my head gets lost in emotion and I feel flustered answering what I think we shoudl due. Ty has the solid head in times like that. I had already told the Doc we would take Lupron and wait 3 months, even scheduled follow ups for injections. We are going to pray over night together and hope God reveals His plan since we are so torn. If anyone has any advice or even what you might do, we would love to know as well. Our email is tylerandnikki@cox.net.

From the time I was a child I would pray form my baby dolls to come alive and allow me to be their mother, and Tyler even had a baby doll he was the father of(and whoa it is worn out)..hello he is male! We were born to be parents, and have dreamed of the idea together since we were 17. People speak of marital troubles, this is a struggle we are holding each other through, but one where we are so hurt knowing we can not fulfill each others greatest desire and dream. We would love for any prayers you might offer up for our health, separation and desire to have children. We trust our God has a fabulous plan for our life as one and anxiously await His desires!
Love y'all!